Red Tape Is Very Confusing

To the Readers’ Forum:

Question: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: First, we need to conduct a study to determine that light bulbs are being used in compliance with all safety regulations. Then, we need to determine whether or not changing the bulb at this time is cost efficient and who is likely to benefit from the changing of said bulb.

Do we use a new bulb from the same company or do we have to take bids from various companies and award a contract for the purposes of changing bulbs? But … only after a study is conducted to see which bulbs are most efficient. Of course, this will all be formed to determine the best method for changing bulbs and how to go about appropriating funds and who to nominate for the head of the new federal Light Bulb Replacement Administration. The administration will then write a set of rules and regulations to go along with and govern the application process to have light bulbs changed. Congress will have to pass a bill to determine any fees to be charged for bulb changing and what will be the legal and/or financial penalties for failing to abide by all light bulb changing regulations. There will be, of course, an appeals process for those who wish to oppose any alleged violations and/or ask that penalties be reduced or waived, depending on the circumstances of the violation.

Provisions will have to be made for people who wish to purchase light bulbs manufactured outside the continental United States, or for those citizens of or people who own property in a U.S. territory or commonwealth such as American Samoa, Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands, etc. Those folks will have to take bids from local contractors and submit them to the Light Bulb Administration for approval.

Any contractor who accepts a contract will be subject to all applicable rules and regulations and potential penalties and/or fines for the failure to abide by the aforementioned requirements. Payment to contractors will only be made after a satisfactory inspection is made of the newly installed bulb and the socket into which it was screwed.

All applications must contain a voided check to insure direct deposit of payments for light bulb changing services rendered.

Michael Rauh

Jamestown